In today’s world of distractions, multitasking and hectic schedules, listening is often underestimated, neglected or forgotten. However, proper listening is a very important skill that not only strengthens our interpersonal relationships, but also promotes professional success. It enables us to build deeper connections with our fellow human beings, reduce or avoid misunderstandings and act more empathetically. In this blog post, I look at the importance and benefits of listening, the signs in yourself and others of a lack of listening and the techniques of active, interested listening. Find out for yourself where you stand on this topic and how you can improve your listening skills. The lists are of course not exhaustive.
The importance of listening
Listening is more than just hearing words. It is an active action that requires attention and commitment. It means being fully present, showing interest and understanding and appreciating the speaker’s message. It requires my undivided attention, conscious awareness and ability to pay attention to non-verbal signals, as well as asking whether I have understood the other person correctly. Proper listening creates trust, promotes empathy and improves communication.
- Improved relationships: Active listening makes people feel valued and understood, which strengthens bonds and trust in personal and professional relationships.
- Effective problem solving: When we listen properly, we understand the needs and concerns of others better, which leads to more effective solutions.
- Conflict avoidance: Misunderstandings and conflicts can be avoided if we take the time to listen fully and understand the other person’s perspective.
- Personal growth: On the one hand, proper listening expands our knowledge and our perspectives, as we learn from the experiences and insights of others. In addition, the consequence of the three points mentioned above is that personal growth is possible and the quality of life is improved.
What are typical signs that someone is not listening to me properly?
If you have the feeling that someone is not listening properly, it can be frustrating. Proper listening is a skill that can be consciously practised. By recognising these signs and consciously responding to them, we can make our conversations more productive and enjoyable. Typical signs that could indicate this include lack of eye contact, distraction from surroundings or electronic devices, interrupting, inappropriate or distracted responses, physical restlessness, and many more.
What to do if someone doesn’t listen properly?
Address the situation favourably and respectfully. Sometimes the person is not aware that they are not listening properly. Emphasise the importance of what you want to say and ask for the person’s undivided attention. Sometimes it can help to take a short pause to regain the other person’s attention. Practice active listening yourself to positively influence the behaviour of the person you are talking to.
Obstacles to listening properly to yourself and how to overcome them
- Our own thoughts and prejudices: We are often so preoccupied with our own thoughts or prejudices that we don’t really notice or hear the speaker. Making a conscious effort to recognise this and put it aside can help.
- Emotional reactions: Strong emotional reactions can make listening difficult. Techniques such as deep breathing or mindfulness exercises can help to control emotional reactions and concentrate better on the speaker.
- Environmental factors: Noise and other distractions can interfere with listening. Look for a quiet environment to have important conversations.
Techniques of correct listening
- Active listening: This means being attentive and present and showing the speaker that you are listening. This can be done by nodding, making eye contact and verbal confirmations such as ‘Yes’ or ‘I understand’.
- Open body posture: An open and facing posture signals to the speaker that you are interested and willing to listen. Avoid crossing your arms or turning away.
- Minimise distractions: Put away electronic devices to be fully present and focus on the conversation.
- Paraphrase: Repeat in your own words what the speaker has said. This shows that you have understood the message and gives the other person the opportunity to correct any misunderstandings.
- Show empathy: Try to put yourself in the speaker ‘s shoes and understand their feelings. Empathy promotes a deeper understanding and shows the speaker that you really care.
- Show interest: Ask clarifying questions and show interest to get more information and deepen the conversation.
- Avoid interruptions, be patient: Let the speaker finish without interrupting , unless there is something really more important. Sometimes it takes time for the speaker to formulate their thoughts. Give them the time they need and don’t rush them.
Conclusion
Proper listening is an art that requires practice and awareness. It is one of the most valuable skills we can develop, to improve our private and professional relationships, avoid misunderstandings and communicate effectively. By making an effort to listen actively and empathically, we show respect and appreciation for the people around us and create an environment of trust and cooperation.
Try out some of these techniques in your next conversation and observe how your communication and relationships improve. Remember that listening is not just about hearing words, but also understanding the message and the feelings behind them.
Sources
1. Brownell, J. (2012). Listening: Attitudes, Principles, and Skills. Pearson.
2. Bodie, G. D. (2011). The active-empathic listening scale (AELS): Conceptualization and evidence of validity within the interpersonal domain. Communication Quarterly, 59(3), 277-295.
3. Rogers, C. R., Farson, R. E. (1957). Active Listening. University of Chicago, Industrial Relations Center.
4. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. Bantam Books.